Failing to Launch and Adulting Anxiety in the Modern Age

By P. Casey Arrillaga, LCSW, LCDC

The transition to adulthood, often referred to as “adulting,” can bring a wide range of stresses and challenges that impact mental health. Young adults are expected to manage responsibilities such as securing employment, paying bills, maintaining relationships, and making long-term life decisions. When this isn’t going well, which some call “failing to launch,” emerging adults all too often turn to destructive coping skills, such as using alcohol or other drugs, and many experience serious mental health problems. The results can be disastrous. This post will explore what failing to launch looks like, how it impacts families, and what we can do to help.

How Adulting Anxiety Impacts Mental Health, Including Addiction

For all of human history, adulting has probably felt like a high-stress proposition. Adulting in the modern age is difficult because of the disconnect between emerging adults’ internal expectations and external realities. Many young people grapple with the fear of failure and uncertainty about where they fit into society. Those that may have struggled in earlier stages of life often see those struggles magnified during these years. This emotional load can contribute to mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety, and substance use, which can become entrenched as addiction. At the same time, parents and other family members have less control, and thus cannot act as safeguards. These things can make the journey into adulthood feel more like a crisis than a natural progression.

As a result, the adulting stage is marked by several serious health risks, all of which are either mental health challenges or are made worse by such things. According to the CDC, leading causes of death during these years include unintentional injuries (mainly drug overdoses and car accidents, many of which involve alcohol or other drugs), cancer, homicide, heart disease, and suicide. A particularly prevalent problem during this period is substance use, especially binge drinking, which is defined as consuming five or more alcoholic drinks in one sitting.

Substance use in young adults not only increases the risk of death but also impairs judgment and alters mood, which can lead to dangerous behavior such as unsafe sex, violent conflicts, reckless driving, and relationship issues. These behaviors often result in conflicts with important people in their lives—like parents, partners, or friends—which may be perceived as unfair or judgmental. These feelings of being wronged can intensify emotional distress and create a cycle where unforgiveness worsens substance use, and substance use, in turn, deepens feelings of resentment and isolation. Many young adults also struggle with the stigma surrounding addiction and other mental health issues, which can delay or prevent them from seeking help. The emotional toll can impact their ability to function in daily life, maintain relationships, or pursue long-term goals.

How Families Struggle When a Loved One is Failing to Launch

The challenges when a young adult seems to be failing to launch significantly affect families. Parents may feel helpless, confused, or overwhelmed as they watch their child struggle with issues that seem beyond their ability to fix. There's often tension between wanting to offer support and encouraging independence, which can lead to conflict or miscommunication. Additionally, families might experience emotional burnout or financial strain, especially if the young adult is unable to work, attend school, or live independently. When substance use or other mental health struggles increasingly undermine functioning or become life-threatening problems, families often don’t know where to turn or how to react. This is one of the reasons it is so important to get help for the family, not just try to “fix” the person who is most obviously struggling.

How Do We Use This Knowledge to Help People?

At Windmill, we work with many clients to help them through the issues that come up in adulting successfully and get past the phenomenon of failing to launch. We work with young adults to stabilize addiction and other mental health issues, and also help them find internal motivation, hope, and concrete resources to get their lives on track. We help many find their first independent living situations and get started in the lives they want to lead. We offer innovative techniques and approaches that can help clients of all ages find who they really are beyond their mental health challenges.

We also understand that mental health issues including addiction are extremely difficult for everyone in the family. That’s why we offer a wide range of support for families and not just the person who comes to us for treatment. We don’t blame or shame families, we nurture them through a variety of services, all of which are included in our program. Our mantra is, “The most helpful thing you can do for your loved one is to work on your own recovery.”

By taking this approach, we help both the young adults and their families to move through the anxiety that comes with adulting, get past any failure to launch, and become the people they know they are capable of being.

The Bottom Line

In conclusion, navigating the complexities of adulting and overcoming the obstacles that lead to a failure to launch requires a multifaceted approach that addresses both individual and family needs. By fostering mental health recovery, promoting independence, and providing comprehensive support, we can help young adults and their families find stability and fulfillment. With the right resources and guidance, the journey into adulthood can transform from a crisis into a time of growth and self-discovery.

About The Author

P. Casey Arrillaga is the Team Leader for Education at Windmill Wellness Ranch, and he is the author of books including “Realistic Hope: The Family Survival Guide for Facing Alcoholism and Other Addictions”.