Addiction and Mental Health During the Holidays

By P. Casey Arrillaga, LCSW, LCDC

Addiction and other mental health issues are difficult at any time of the year, but they can be especially hard to deal with during the holiday season, whether it’s you or someone you love (or both) who is suffering. Since this time is especially risky for so many, we offer this post as a guide to getting through the holidays as safely as you can.

Holiday Stress

For most people, the holidays are simultaneously one of the most joyous and most stressful times of the year. This is because this time of year includes extra time with family, extra events to attend, and social obligations to get gifts and give more attention that usual to all kinds of relationships. It doesn’t help that there is a lot of cultural pressure around the holidays, telling us that we should have joyous times with those we love, that this time should be overflowing with abundance, that we should be having heartfelt moments with family at every turn. These messages are reinforced in music, art, social media, movies, etc., and we are relentlessly bombarded with them through advertising.

Holiday stress is made worse by the fact that real life often does not live up to the images we constantly see. Families do not always get along. Money may be tight at a time when we are urged to buy, buy, buy. We may not feel the joy we are told we should experience at every turn. For some, there is religious pressure to feel and be some way that may not fit how we are feeling at all. Many holiday celebrations include alcohol use, which helps some people relax and enjoy themselves more, but for many others, it only makes the other problems worse.

The Extra Burden  

If these things create stress for the average person and family, it can be exponentially worse for those who struggle with addiction and other mental health problems, and equally bad for those who love them. It will come as no surprise to find that Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve are associated with significant increase in alcohol use. There are higher rates of admission to hospitals for alcohol-related injuries and problems during these holidays, including a higher rate of people being admitted for self-harm. Many of the cases of self-harm turn out to have involved alcohol use as well.

For those with addiction problems, the increase in alcohol use is like gasoline on the fire of their daily struggles. Many people use the holidays as an excuse to drink more alcohol than usual, both since it is condoned and even encouraged, and because they may have extra free time that seems to clear the way for increased intoxication. Even if alcohol isn’t their main problem, it acts as way to lower inhibitions, which then makes it easier to give themselves permission to use other drugs. They may also engage in other behaviors addictively, such as compulsive shopping, eating, sex, gambling, etc., many of which are blatantly encouraged in the holiday season. Underneath the surface, most people with addiction problems feel guilt and shame, especially when they know they aren’t showing up well in family roles. The holidays only serve to amplify those messages and negative feelings, which often leads to increase in using alcohol and other drugs.

Those with other mental heath issues suffer similarly. The pressure and intensity of the holiday season provides a level of stress that can exacerbate any mental health condition. For instance, research shows that people with depression are likely to struggle more during major holidays, often believing they are not capable of living up to all the social and perceived family expectations of the season. Even if alcohol is not normally a big issue for them, the fact that it is encouraged and may even feel expected leads to an increase in alcohol consumption, which has the strong potential to make any mental health problem even worse.

Family members may look on in despair, even dreading the holidays when they know it may mean things getting even further out of hand for someone they love. They may realize how powerless they are over someone else’s issues and behaviors, or they may try even harder to manage and control their loved ones. This may come through trying to shower even more love, gifts, etc., or the attempts may look like guilt and shaming for their loved one for not living up to holiday expectations. Too many families try to just pretend that everyone and everything is okay and then face crushing disappointment when another holiday is marred by struggling family members who don’t show up or get horribly out of hand at the family gathering. Families may not realize that they need help and support just as much as the person who is directly suffering from addiction and/or other mental health struggles.

What Can Be Done?

If you or someone you love struggles with addiction and/or other mental health issues, the holidays are a time for extra self-care. If you have the issues yourself, this is the time to get help. While many people and their families think, “We’ll get through the holidays and get help afterward,” or, “I can’t be away from my family and kids,” waiting can be a tragic mistake. What often happens is that another holiday is ruined and becomes a terrible memory for family and kids. Even worse, you or someone else may be hurt or even die. When you get the help you need, it may be hard to be away, but it turns out to be the best gift you can give.

If you are a family member and your loved one is unwilling to get help, now is the time to set and keep healthy boundaries. Don’t allow destructive behavior in your home. Don’t pretend it’s not happening. Get help and support for yourself, such as through Al-Anon, SMART Recovery Family & Friends, therapy, or other sources of support you have available to you. Get extra help for kids who may be involved. Let them know that the person you all love has a disease that they didn’t choose to have, but that shows up with sometimes terrible behavior. Let them know you will look out for them. Encourage them to be honest about their feelings.

How Do We Use This Knowledge to Help People?

At Windmill, we know how hard this time can be, so we make treatment during the holidays as good as it can be. We help people who struggle get into treatment and help their families negotiate this time with their loved one being away. We teach our clients recovery skills they can use to get through any holiday and family situation. We have special groups and activities that show our clients that holidays in recovery can be better than they ever imagined.  Our clients get to see that this can be the beginning of a lifetime of holidays getting better and better, showing up for family in ways they often didn’t think would be possible for them. Our holiday family groups help families and clients create a foundation for this to happen. Our kitchen works overtime to create amazing holiday meals with all the traditional fixings. We have special visitation times to allow families to enjoy time seeing their loved ones in recovery. On Christmas, we give little gifts to each client and play games to raise spirits and show them that holidays in recovery can be fun. Many clients have said afterward that they expected to miserable in treatment for the holidays, but actually found that it turned out to be one of the best they can remember.

The Bottom Line

The holiday season can be a time of joy and a time of stress. This stress can create extra problems for people with addiction and other mental health problems. This in turn creates stress for those who love them. Rather than trying to get through the holidays and then deal with the issues later, this is the time to get help, whether you have the issues or love someone who does.

About The Author

P. Casey Arrillaga is the Team Leader for Education at Windmill Wellness Ranch, and he is the author of books including “Realistic Hope: The Family Survival Guide for Facing Alcoholism and Other Addictions”.